On Trust
Posted: Friday, June 10, 2011
by George Stay
George Carlin once told a joke that went something like this: "Whenever you brake your car, your life is in your foot's hands." Like most Carlin jokes, he used language and its quirks and cliches to make us think. Technically, of course, he was right. When braking your car, you put all of your trust in your foot, and the brake pedal, linkage, brake lines, brake fluid, brake pads, brake discs and other parts of the car's braking system.
I get that. Really I do. I trust my truck with my life every day. I ride a bicycle and I trust in it, my helmet and my instincts and experience to make sure I return in one piece. And I have been let down. A flat tire recently ended a ride just minutes after it started. And my truck recently failed to start, resulting in a big inconvenience and an expensive repair and tow bill. And I just had to take my bike into the shop because, well, some components had worn out and no longer were working properly. No longer could I trust them.
So why is it so much easier to trust things than it is to trust people? Do people let us down so much more than things do? Or is it just, like my bike, easier to understand and explain why a thing fails us but not people?
Not that I have not trusted people in the past. But when they let me down, when they betray that trust, I vow to never let that happen again. When I asked a girl out on a date and she literally sneered at me in disgust at the very idea of me having the nerve to even broach the subject, don't think I ever did that again. At least not with her. And when I told some personal worries or concerns to a co-worker only to find she'd let them be known to nearly everyone else, I didn't do that again either. I have grown to live by the Irish saying: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." And I was not about to get fooled again, to paraphrase The Who.
But I still trust my truck, now that the starter has been repaired. And I got back on my bike, after repairing the flat tire. And I will get on it again, once these new repairs have been made. I will trust it, along with my helmet and all of the rest, with my very life. And yet I find it so very difficult to trust another person not with my life even, but just a small portion of who I am, what I am like, what I think, what I know, what makes up me.
It is so easy to build walls against the forays of others, against the attempts by people we know -- not complete strangers, but possible friends, lovers even -- to get inside and get closer. Because at one time or another, we let down our defenses, lowered the drawbridge, opened the gates and let people in, and they trashed the place. We've since cleaned up their mess, but we're not going to do that again.
And if we don't, we'll be safe. Removed, reserved, distant, cold, aloof, mysterious, quiet, unfriendly, but safe.
But if we can bring ourselves to trust a person again, as we come to trust a repaired vehicle, a fixed faucet, a contrite computer, we may just find something we've been missing for all of our lives, something far more precious than anything we've been working so hard to protect.
We might just find love. And not just any love, but the love of a lifetime. The soulmate. The only person put on earth just for us, and us just for them.
But first, we have to trust. Again.
This Article has been viewed 1,052 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
Top-level comments on this article: (6 total)Interesting and awakening though. May be we have to see how much trust we have in people and the things and the amount of favor we expected, in return.Hilda, I appreciate your comment. I think we do need to periodically review how we open we are to trusting people. That way our defenses don't overwhelm us.
It isn't easy to trust, especially when you've been hurt before as I know you have from reading previous articles. Take it slow. Proceed with caution, or jumpr right in. The fact remains when it comes to loving someone there's always a risk of being hurt, but if you never trust and give it a chance you'll never know right? Good luck George. She's out there. Interesting article btw.Brianna, thanks for reading and commenting. I think the fact we can be emotionally hurt by people as to being physically hurt by things keeps us from trusting people who have let us down while we can find strength to trust things that have done the same.
Hi George.
People are complicated ... cars are not so much. Even so, after the battery in my car died and it failed to start, for the first few weeks after getting a new battery, I had some doubt when I turned the key in the ignition. So easy to create doubt ... so hard to find trust. :)
One thing I know for a fact, there are always things in life that are going to hurt or embarrass or frustrate or you name it. We can make a choice to persevere despite it or close ourselves up tight.
The first thing we have to trust is ourselves. We have to trust that we can deal with whatever life throws at us. If you trust yourself, it becomes easier to trust others because then it doesn't matter what they do ... you know you will eventually come out the other side whole.
Now that I've gotten that off my chest ... I really enjoy the way you put your thoughts together. I just plain like your writing. Thanks for this excellent article.
Hugs,
DianneDianne, while I understand what you mean, I think cars are quite complicated, especially today's computer-run models. Nonetheless, you are right. I can understand better why my truck failed me -- the starter broke -- than I can understand what motivated someone to betray my trust. Thanks for commenting and for reading my article.
I have many friends I could trust with my life.David, you truly are a blessed man. I cannot say the same. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Hey George! Really very interesting thought. Things don't change their nature but people do. But it doesn't mean that we cant trust them. We just can't survive alone without trusting a single person in our life time. We have to trust somebody. Even it cannot be 1 or 2 but have to be many in whom we have to put our trust to survive.But again, yes so many times we get let down by our close ones. That hurts but cant change our living style of trusting others...lol...That's life...Nice thought...thanks...Chiradeep, I think you are right. Finding the one or two people we can trust can be the lifelong challenge though. Especially since you have to get betrayed and let down by many others before you find them. It can be enough to wear down one's resolve. Thanks for reading and commenting.
George: I like the use of the word "trust" in our inanimate world. You are really quite accurate. We do put trust in so many things. And the larger part of your theme, that trust itself is a treasured human quality is of supreme importance. Then when we get to trust more and more, yes, maybe we can hope for the best. And that is a beautiful place to be. Beautiful article.Thanks, Christopher, for your comments. Yes, trust is a treasure, and one easily lost and not recoverable. I appreciate you taking the time to read my piece.
We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.