Listening To the Voice
Posted: Thursday, December 09, 2010
by George Stay
Beautiful women intimidate me. I don’t know why. They just do.
I think it is because I’m afraid that, inside, they are laughing me, or just toying with me, or that they find me ugly and insignificant, but are tolerating me until someone more to their liking comes along.
Yes, I guess you could say they make me feel insecure.
More often than not I would find myself gazing into those two dark chocolate pools that were her eyes, seeing in them a passion, a peace, and, at the edges, a layer of fear and apprehension I’d never recognized in any other woman, let alone one so incredibly beautiful.
But something else was happening too. Something I simply cannot explain. I have this tendency, it seems, to get too intense with people. When I am talking to them, I have been told, I come across like Mike Wallace – all intensity and passion, as if I am going to grill them within an inch of their psychological lives and not let up until I have pried every possible secret out of them. In my mind, though, I am just curious about them. I think they should be flattered because I truly want to know more about them. I am honestly and truly interested in them and who they are. Instead, I have been told, these people warn others to stay away: The heat in there, next to him, they say, is just too bloody intense.
One day I was about to fall prey to that same tendency when a voice spoke in my head: Leave her be. Let her tell you things when she is ready. Don’t pry.
Okay, I know what you’re thinking. This guy hears voices? Well, isn’t he just a few French fries short of a Happy Meal. And maybe you’re right. I wanted to shake my noggin a little after the voice spoke, just as she’d risen and walked away, back to her workspace. But I did not ignore the voice. I did not question the voice. I did not doubt the voice. I did what it told me to do.
The voice, it turned out, was right. I let her talk when she was ready. I listened to her when she talked and, for some reason – I like to think it Divine Intervention – I was able to easily talk with her. For the first time in my adult life, I knew what it was like to have a full, easy and true conversation with someone beautiful.
Of course, it helped that she was so fascinating and so intriguing. She was smart, funny, wise, intelligent (this is different than smart), witty, creative and passionate. She also was caring, kind, gentle and compassionate. She was, I soon came to realize, everything I wanted in a woman, but had never found before.
Still I was afraid to take this relationship to the next level. I realized, this once, that I understood what some of the movie and book characters meant when they’d say they were afraid to risk losing a friend in order to find out if this person might be the love of their life. I truly valued this women’s friendship and was scared to take the next step. I also was afraid that she did not have the feelings I had, that, again, I was just someone she found easy to talk to.
Then one day she stopped to talk. Her face was so serious, and etched with fear. Her lower lip trembled a little as, in a soft and shaky voice, she asked me if I had feelings for her. Because, she said with more courage than I could have mustered, she had feelings for me.
It was a good thing I was already sitting down, because my knees went weak and my head began to spin and I nearly choked on my tongue in a rush to reply: Yes, Yes, Yes! I am having those feelings too and have been for some time now. I just thought I was having them alone, that you did not feel for me as I was feeling for you.
A look of pure relief crossed her utterly perfect features at these words. She reached out to touch my hand, giving it a gentle, loving squeeze before continuing the conversation with: What are we going to do now?
I had some ideas. So did she. We discussed them and what ramifications this would have for our shared workspace. We shared a lunch together that day before, eventually, parting ways and heading each to our respective homes.
I did not sleep a wink that night. I just lay in bed, overwhelmed and overcome by what her words had opened within me. Suddenly I knew it was okay to feel love for her, to open the floodgates and allow all of the dammed-up emotions within me to escape. Finally.
What followed might be called a whirlwind romance, a swift courtship. But I did not rush anything. I waited and let her take the lead, let her tell me when she was ready for the next step, and the next, and the next. But what I learned was that we talked things through, worked things out together. We spoke our minds to each other, but with our words and thoughts wrapped in a gentleness and a kindness that can only come from hearts filled with love.
I know it might sound a little corny, and it probably is, but as I look back on all of the years she’s been in my life, all the years I have loved her, I am just so thankful for that voice inside my head.
And even more thankful, every day, that I listened to it.
This Article has been viewed 1,037 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
More commentsOh Wow ! This is fantastic, romantic but not hectic to jump the queue for a relationship.Truly, one as this kind is hard to come by these days. Thanks for sharing your unique love story openly with us. I had enjoyed reading it.Thanks Hilda, I appreciate your comments. It is hard often to know when to go and when to stop, when to talk and when to listen, when to touch and when to wait to be touched. Such are the perils of the personal relationship.
This is very moving. So beautiful and full of personal character development as a great enticement. By the way, intensity can also be a virtue. With your need to know, your curiosity, this is an adventurous and daring attitude. Sure, know when to use it. But don't let go of it. It's you.Tim, that is truly high praise. Yes, intensity can be a virtue, you just have to know when to use it and when not. I guess it has taken me a long time to figure that out. I'm just glad I did. Thanks for your comment.
The expression of "Divine Intervention" is very apt when you could approach her with no hesitation. This is where I believe in reincarnation. We attract our loved ones in consecutive lifetimes. The ease with which we are able to approach some people, a sudden friendship happens within a few minutes and we feel as if we have known each other for a long time.I always believe in 'past life connection' which continues in this lifetime and thus even the holy matrimony attracts partners we have met before in another birth. Thank you. It was very interesting.DMYou may well be right. That could explain "love at first sight." Because then it isn't a first look, but a loving returning look that rekindles what had been before. Thanks for your comment.
Wait a second, while I turn down the heat, and give this another read. Ever considered writing romance novels? Very nice George! Great story!Brianna, you are too kind. I thank you for your comments, though I feel undeserving of them.
You're very honest George, which is beautiful, and I think many many people experience the same insecurity, but are too afraid to admit it. Well done for listening to that voice, and may your relationship last forever :)Well, Jennifer, I can only follow that inner voice and hope it is right in all interpersonal things from now on. Thanks for your kind words.
Obviously two people are coming together which are truly pure in their intention.This is really wonderful for the both of you George.Thanks, Walter. I'm not a believer in fate, but something is behind what happened that defies all other explanations, except Divine Intervention.
This is, I think, the most beautiful, honest and human description of romance I've ever read in my life! Do consider romance novels- you could bring a whole new meaning to that genre....... it gave me chills- and that doesn't happen too often...........Thank you- I'll buy every book you write!
Always- EllaWell, Ella, I may just have to follow your advice. I can't say I've ever thought about writing one, but if you think this is what it takes, I can do it. All I need to do now is find the time.....I've been an avid voracious reader for most of my life- I did at one point, devour romance novels ( in my twenties) but haven't been drawn to that genre for many years now- due to the redundancy and superficiality inherent there, which can only appeal to the young and inexperienced, as I was when I read them. We, women and men, although still drawn to love and romance, have graduated to a different level of those needs and feelings- a deeper, advanced experienced human level of understanding, which is not being met in the romance genre, as it seems to continue, for the most part, in the same old rut of superficiality and embryonic feelings and comprehension. There is an open window of opportunity for development potential in this most basic human level, which we long to read and identify with- a desire that is not yet being met. I believe that you definitely have the potential to meet this need-and should endeavor to develop it- It's funny sometimes, that we can always find the time or make room for the things we really want to do- I think it's a matter of priorities. Reach for the sky George- sometimes we can grab a cloud and ride......... :-)
This was a wonderfully romantic story. I am happy you both found a mutually satisfying relationship. Thank you for writing so that we can enjoy!Kim, thanks. I appreciate your comments. And I thank you for reading this.
That is a terrific love story, and should be encouraging to other men or women, who are afraid to reach out to people they consider 'beautiful".Thanks, Elle. In this cae, though, I really think the beautiful woman reached out to me. And I am and will be forever thankful for that.
Sensitively and beautifully written. thanks for sharing your heart with your readers.Thanks, Marijo. I am just thankful my heart occasionally can lead my fingers to write such things. It hasn't always been so able.
More comments
We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.